Why Parents Are Breaking Up With Gentle Parenting in 2025

Olivia Bennett

May 12, 2025

5

min read

Last Update -

May 16, 2025 9:42 PM

⚡ Quick Vibes

😤 "Put Your Freaking Shoes On!": Why Gentle Parenting Is Losing Its Grip

There’s a quiet (and sometimes not-so-quiet) rebellion happening in living rooms, minivans, and Target parking lots all over the country: Parents are over gentle parenting.

What started as a loving, empathetic response to authoritarian, "because I said so" styles of the past is now feeling like an emotionally exhausting performance. As CBC reports, from influencers like Caitlin Murray of @BigTimeAdulting to everyday moms like Chelsea in Toronto, people are saying out loud what many have been whispering: this is not sustainable.

So, what happened to gentle parenting—and what’s taking its place? Let’s break it down.

🧸 What Even Is Gentle Parenting?

At its core, gentle parenting is all about empathy. No punishments, no raised voices, no power trips—just calm communication, connection, and guiding your child with compassion.

Sounds ideal, right? And for many millennial parents, it felt like the healing opposite of the “spare the rod” upbringing they remember. We’re talking less “sit down and shut up” and more “let’s validate those big feelings.”

But the problem? Somewhere along the way, gentle parenting morphed into something unattainable. It became perfect parenting. Always composed. Always understanding. Never losing your cool. Never yelling. Never slamming the door and screaming into your pillow.

And that pressure? It’s breaking people.

😵 The Reality: Burnout, Guilt, and the Mom Who Snapped in the Minivan

Whether it's a TikTok of a mom trying to gently explain for the tenth time why crayons don't belong in the toilet or a post about "meeting your toddler where they’re at" mid-tantrum in the middle of Target, gentle parenting often looks exhausting AF.

"I absolutely went beast mode this morning because no one was listening," one mom admitted. "I asked for shoes 10 times. Nothing worked—until I yelled."

This kind of confession doesn’t go viral because it’s shocking. It goes viral because it’s relatable.

And people like Caitlin Murray—who keeps it brutally honest with her 1.7 million Instagram followers—are offering something gentle parenting doesn’t: permission to be messy. She swears. She snaps. She says what others are thinking. She reminds us that sometimes yelling is the only way to get a kid to move.

And people are eating it up.

📉 When Empathy Becomes Exhaustion

Parenting therapist and psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy (founder of Good Inside, a membership-based parenting advice platform with over a million followers) has become a go-to source for many modern parents. But even she rejects the "gentle parenting" label.

Why? Because it’s misunderstood. "It’s not about being permissive," she says. "But somewhere along the way, it became that. And now parents are losing themselves in the process."

She calls her method “sturdy parenting”—firm boundaries + emotional connection. Basically: love with limits.

Because when you’re expected to regulate your emotions, their emotions, stay calm, never punish, and never lose patience... it’s not parenting anymore. It’s martyrdom.

🧠 Parenting Pressure Is a Public Health Issue Now

This isn’t just anecdotal. The U.S. Surgeon General literally listed parenting stress as a public health crisis. Why? Because the demands are skyrocketing while the support systems stay stuck in the '90s.

Child care? Unaffordable.
Parental leave? A joke.
Economic pressure? Crushing.
Social expectations? Ruthless.

Parents are being asked to do more than ever—with less help, less sleep, and a Pinterest-perfect bar they’re constantly failing to reach.

And gentle parenting, while well-meaning, can add to the weight. You’re not just trying to raise emotionally secure kids. You’re trying to be a 24/7 feelings coach, emotional sponge, and behavior expert—while also doing laundry, working, and maybe remembering to drink water.

It’s not just hard. It’s impossible.

👶 When Kids Run the Show

One of the biggest criticisms of gentle parenting is that it sometimes flips the parent-child dynamic. Parents aren’t guiding—they’re appeasing.

“We went from parents who ruled with fear to parents who are ruled by fear,” one therapist put it.

Fear of messing up. Fear of trauma. Fear of being called toxic. Fear of yelling once and being labeled an unfit parent. So instead, some parents tiptoe, over-explain, or just give in.

It’s well-intentioned, but it leads to chaos—and even more guilt when things go sideways.

🔄 The Overcorrection: From Punishment to Permissiveness

Let’s be clear: gentle parenting was never supposed to mean permissive parenting. But that’s how it’s often played out in real life.

“Somewhere between not spanking and never saying ‘no,’ we lost the plot,” one mom wrote in a now-viral Reddit post.

That overcorrection has left some parents feeling like they’ve handed over the controls to their 3-year-old. Instead of being the guide, they’re the concierge.

And when your toddler is essentially piloting the plane, the crash is inevitable.

🌱 What's Next? Meet "Sturdy Parenting"

Enter: sturdy parenting.

Think of it like this: you’re the calm in the chaos—but also the captain. You set boundaries. You make the calls. You don’t lose your mind over a tantrum—but you also don’t let it dictate the next hour of your life.

It’s parenting with heart and a backbone.

You can validate your kid’s feelings and still say no. You can stay connected and still set limits. You can yell sometimes—and not ruin your child’s future therapy session.

🛠 Parenting in 2025 Is a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure

The truth? No parenting style works 100% of the time for 100% of families.

Gentle parenting worked for some. It still works for some. But for a lot of parents, the burnout, guilt, and impossible expectations have triggered a major vibe shift.

If you’re frustrated, overwhelmed, or questioning the method that was supposed to make it all easier—you’re not alone.

You don’t have to be the “perfect” parent. You don’t have to whisper calmly every time someone bites their sibling. You don’t have to stick to a script you didn’t write.

You get to pivot. You get to raise your voice sometimes. You get to set rules. You get to say, “This doesn’t work for me, and that’s okay.”