Are You the Therapist Friend? Here's How to Set Boundaries

Holding Space for Your Friends Without Losing Yourself

How to be there for your people without running on emotional fumes

The Group Chat Is On Fire… Again

It started with a “hey are you up?” text at 1:13 AM. Then came the emotional voice note, the 12-minute Facetime rant, and the quiet moment after where I sat there, mentally drained, staring at the ceiling with one bar of emotional battery left.

I love my friends. I would do anything for them. But I started realizing something uncomfortable: in helping everyone else process their chaos, I had nowhere to put my own. My support system started feeling more like a weight than a lifeline.

If you're the “therapist friend” or the “emotional first responder” in your circle, you're not alone. Gen Z is more emotionally fluent than ever, but that can come with its own burnout.

Here’s how to hold space for your friends without losing yourself in the process.

First Off: What Does "Holding Space" Even Mean?

Holding space is when you listen without judgment, offer support without fixing, and make someone feel safe enough to be real. It’s a form of emotional presence. Not advice. Not rescue missions. Just presence.

But holding space for someone does not mean absorbing their entire emotional state. And that’s where the line starts to blur.

The Red Flags of Emotional Burnout

• You feel anxious every time your phone buzzes
• You’re emotionally numb after deep convos
• You’re saying “I’m fine” while spiraling
• You’re avoiding your own problems because you’re carrying everyone else's

That last one hit? Same. Emotional burnout doesn’t always look like a breakdown. Sometimes it looks like people-pleasing, overexplaining, or saying “it’s okay” when it’s really not.

You're Not a Therapist, Even if You Talk Like One

Therapy language is everywhere on the timeline. We say things like “I’m holding space,” “setting boundaries,” or “regulating emotions.” And that’s great — emotional literacy is important. But it’s easy to forget you’re not a licensed therapist. You’re just a person trying to navigate your own sh*t too.

The truth is, being constantly available for others can start to feel like a job. One you didn’t apply for. One you can’t clock out of.

So How Do You Support People Without Losing Yourself?

Here’s what actually helped me:

1. Ask First, Always

Before diving into a heavy conversation, ask:
“Do you want to vent, get advice, or just be heard?”

That single question can save you hours of confusion, miscommunication, and emotional fatigue. You’re not guessing anymore. You’re showing up with clarity.

2. Use "Support Windows" Instead of Being 24/7 On Call

You don’t have to be emotionally available all the time. You can say:
“Hey, I want to talk about this with you, can we do it tomorrow when I have more energy?”
or
“I can be here for you, but I’m at capacity tonight.”

That’s not selfish. That’s emotionally responsible.

3. Create Equal Energy Exchanges

If a friend always trauma dumps but never checks in on you — that’s not balance. Friendships should have mutual space-holding energy.

Try saying:
“I’ve been here for you a lot recently, and I love you. Can I talk about something I’ve been going through too?”

If that makes them uncomfortable? That’s info.

4. Name What You're Feeling, Even If It's Awkward

If a convo is becoming overwhelming, say it.
“Hey, I’m feeling kind of drained right now. Can we pause and check in again later?”

This doesn’t make you a bad friend. It makes you an honest one.

5. Set Boundaries and Stick to Them (Even With Your Ride-or-Dies)

Boundaries are not walls. They’re doorways. Clear ones.

If someone can’t respect your limits, that’s not a sign to abandon your boundaries. That’s a sign to re-evaluate the relationship.

Holding Space ≠ Holding Everything

You can be a supportive friend and still say no. You can care deeply and still take time for yourself. You can be someone’s soft place to land without becoming their emotional landfill.

Emotional support is a gift — but it’s not something you’re required to give out endlessly just because you’re good at it.

So next time your group chat starts unraveling or someone drops a big emotional truth at 2 AM, check in with yourself too. Are you grounded? Do you have the capacity? Do you feel safe to listen?

Because if the answer is no, it’s okay to say, “I love you, but I need to love me too.”

Stay grounded and emotionally empowered with Woke Waves Magazine — your safe space for real talk, soft boundaries, and Gen Z healing energy.

#EmotionalSupport #GenZBoundaries #MentalHealthMatters #TherapistFriendChronicles #WokeWaves

‍