Limerence Explained: That Crush You Can't Shake? It's Not Love

That "Can't Stop Thinking About Them" Feeling? Yeah, That's Limerence, Not Love

If you’ve ever been stuck on someone who barely knows you exist, or worse, someone who gives you just enough attention to keep your heart racing, you’re not alone. That overwhelming, borderline-consuming crush isn’t just a phase or some rom-com cliché. It’s got a name. Limerence. And Gen Z is finally starting to talk about it.

So what is limerence exactly? Think emotional obsession disguised as love. It’s intense, it’s addictive, and it’s way more common than people admit. And if you’ve been spiraling over someone’s texts, or lack of them, you might already know the feeling too well.

What Even Is Limerence?

Limerence is the emotional state of being totally infatuated or obsessed with another person, usually someone who hasn’t fully reciprocated those feelings. It’s like your brain gets hijacked. You’re not just crushing, you’re fantasizing about a future together, re-reading every convo, overanalyzing eye contact, and feeling physically sick when they don’t text back.

It’s love, kind of. But not really. It’s more like an emotional high that lives in your head.

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov coined the term back in the late 70s, but honestly? It might as well have been coined on TikTok in 2024, because the content creators are all over it now. One TikTok therapist joked, "If you think about them more than they talk to you, congrats, you’re limerent." And she’s not wrong.

Signs You're in Limerence (And Not Love)

So how do you know you’re not just falling in love? Here’s what limerence looks like:

• You think about them constantly. Like, they’re in your head 24/7. Even brushing your teeth turns into a full-blown fantasy about your wedding day.
• Every little interaction feels huge. A like on your story? Emotional whiplash. A dry text? Existential crisis.
• You don’t really know them. You’ve idealized the version of them in your head, but the actual person? Kinda blurry.
• You’re emotionally dependent. Your mood hinges on their attention or lack of it.
• Rejection hits like withdrawal. If they pull back or go cold, you spiral. Hard.

Limerence is a rollercoaster. Dopamine hits when they notice you, and crushing lows when they don’t. It’s intense. But love? Love grows slowly, knows boundaries, and doesn’t leave you emotionally exhausted after every interaction.

My Experience With Limerence: The Crush That Almost Broke Me

I was 20 when it hit me. He was in one of my film classes, and we’d talked maybe three times. Nothing deep. But in my head? We had a whole cinematic romance scripted out. I imagined meeting his parents, traveling together, the works. I even created Spotify playlists for our imaginary road trips.

Every time he walked past me, my heart did backflips. If he responded to my Insta story, I convinced myself it meant something. The reality? He was nice, a little flirty maybe, but not interested. Still, I couldn’t let it go. I stayed stuck for months, replaying those micro-moments like they were a Nicholas Sparks movie. I wasn’t in love with him, I was obsessed with what I wanted him to be.

And realizing that? It stung. But it also set me free.

Why Gen Z Falls So Hard into Limerence

There’s a reason our generation is especially vulnerable to this. We’ve been raised on a mix of:

• Rom-coms and YA novels that sell intense infatuation as relationship goals
• Social media that lets us watch people from afar and build entire fantasies
• Emotional unavailability being romanticized as mystery or the chase
• Dating culture that thrives on breadcrumbs, ghosting, and minimal effort

We’re dealing with more anxiety and loneliness than ever before, and limerence offers a kind of emotional escape. It's easier to obsess over someone than to face our own insecurities. It feels good, even if it’s kind of a trap.

The Dark Side of Limerence

It starts as a daydream but can morph into real emotional distress. You lose sleep, stop focusing on your goals, and your self-worth tanks every time they ignore you. It’s like emotional burnout, but self-inflicted.

And here’s the twist. Some people feed your limerence. Whether it’s intentional or not, they give just enough to keep you hooked but never fully commit. You’re left chasing a version of love that never lands.

This can lead to codependency, unhealthy attachment styles, and patterns that keep repeating. Limerence isn’t just harmless daydreaming. It’s a mental loop that’s hard to break.

How to Break the Cycle

Breaking free from limerence isn’t about shaming yourself. It’s about taking your emotional power back. Here’s what helped me and what therapists often recommend:

1. Acknowledge it. Naming the feeling is the first step. You’re not crazy. You’re limerent.
2. Cut the fantasy. Ask yourself, what do I actually know about them? Often, the answer is not much.
3. Create distance. Mute their stories, stop rereading texts, and give yourself breathing room.
4. Talk about it. Vent to a friend or journal it out. Saying it aloud breaks the spell.
5. Shift focus inward. Obsession often comes from lack. Fill your own cup with goals, hobbies, and self-discovery.

It’s not about becoming cold or unfeeling. It’s about realizing that your love, your attention, is valuable. Not everyone deserves that front-row seat in your mind.

Real Love Doesn't Feel Like You're Drowning

There’s a softness to real love. It feels safe. You don’t have to guess how someone feels about you, because they show you. There’s space for you to grow, breathe, and be fully seen.

Limerence is like sugar. Sweet and addicting, but not sustainable. Love is more like a balanced meal. It might not always come with butterflies, but it nourishes you in ways that obsession never will.

So next time your heart starts sprinting over a crush who barely knows your middle name, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself, am I in love or just high on the fantasy of being loved back?

Chances are, you already know the answer.

Stay connected with more raw, real takes on Gen Z dating and mental health at Woke Waves Magazine.

#Limerence #GenZDating #EmotionalObsession #MentalHealthAwareness #WokeWaves

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